fear

It's happening again, all those dreams of failure and fear. Self doubt, wondering if I am good enough. Wondering if I am going to fail. What if I am just that funny looking kid on stage. The one ppl talk about after and say "wow she sucks" What if no one actually likes me in the production what if I am that girl that noone can stand they all just tolerate. Fear.

Wander Lust

I seem to have found myself with an extreme case of wander lust, inspired by da da da: Dr.Who. First of all I am not knocking the doctor. In fact I think that is the part that scares me. I think that it scares me that it has taken a sci-fi world for me to realise how stuck and stagnant I feel in my everyday life. I feel like I have never been anywhere or scene anything and I dont mean in compasison to the outrageous quests of the Doctor and his companions.  But to be completely honest with my thoughts, I am completely enamoured with that make believe world. I could spend hours mindlessly watching the Doctor adventure through time and space while life passes me by. I am not usually one to just sit and waste idle time but I can't seem to help myself. And then it struck me, my life is just that mundane. I really have nothing extraordinary around the corner to work towards.
This is not just a self pity party. I am not unhappy with my life and where it is, but I am bored and I do feel stagnant. I feel like I have allowed time to pass me by at a very slow rate, mostly because I fear change, the idea of changing jobs, locations or friends is terrifying because of the unknown it will bring. I need goals, changes, things to work towards. It is not a good idea to do everything all at once I know that but I think I need to start making changes here and now. Cause I can not spend the rest of my life on a couch watching Dr.Who living vicariously through the pretend adventures he is having.